Two drunks sat in a bar. One slurs at the other, "Your mum is a right dirty slag. Last night I poked her up the bum and then she sucked me off right afterwards"
The other drunk turns and says, "I think you've had too much to drink now, dad"
I thought about it for a minute before posting this, but couldn't resist...
A teenage girl walks up to her dad and asks, "Dad, can I borrow the car tonight?" Her father thinks for a second then says, "Well, if you want the car tonight, you know what you have to do!" So, she gets down on her knees and starts to please him when all of a sudden she yells out, "EEEWWW! This tastes like sh!t!" The father then says to the daughter, "Oh, I forgot, your brother has the car tonight!"
Gross, but a classic! ("I'll be here all night. Don't forget to tip your waitress!")
-- Edited by THE ALMIGHTY at 16:09, 2006-12-09
-- Edited by THE ALMIGHTY at 16:09, 2006-12-09
-- Edited by THE ALMIGHTY at 00:58, 2006-12-10
-- Edited by THE ALMIGHTY at 01:00, 2006-12-10
__________________
Save yourself the embarassment and don't argue with me, because I love beer!
A young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived a considerable distance away. He consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal. Off he went with his sister to Harrods ladies dept and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same time.
Harrods had a free gift wrap offer, but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers. Good old Ron sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter:
Dear Sasha,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).
These are a very delicate shade, but the lady i bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her.
She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them. I wish i was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before i have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.
All my love
Ron.
P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing
....lol...cant leave tim out
.....fine i guess! but your buyin
